Sorry
by Orokid
Summary: Sometimes, whether you say it or not, the words you want to say are always there.


**SincereHeartache:** _When I began this fanfic, I technically did not have a clue where it was going. I had a page and a half written by hand in a composition notebook- and, typed out, it was more like third quarters of a page. The rest of it, I did while sitting at the computer, listening to random music- some happy, some sad, some… something… It was random, whatever it was. Haha. But… yeah… I know that that is usually my story (never having an idea in my head where things are going), but I mean it each and every time. I never think anything out. Sad but true. Haha._

**Disclaimer:**_ I own nothing that has to do with Strawberry Panic! or the characters. Those belong to the author and illustrator, as well as the companies that bought the right to distribute the manga, light novels, etc. This story was written for fun and not for profit._

_Hope you enjoy!!_

**Sorry**

Kaori…

That name seemed both familiar and foreign, lost in a tidal wave of emotions that seemed to hit her time and time again, each time stronger than the last. Her heart knew the sound of it more than she'd like to admit, having had each and every syllable memorized to her very core. The name was a fountain of grief and pain, blanketed by the soft touch of an undying, everlasting emotion that plagued her even now.

The one who bore that name, who haunted her ears even now after all those years had passed, had been her first and true love. Kaori had been her precious little sister whom had kept her flittering heart in her grasp and held on ever as her grip had lessened into letting go.

Yet the only reason she had let go of it had been something that no one- not even her young beloved- could control. The young woman had somehow contracted a mysterious illness that had slowly yet surely sucked away the life force that had kept her flower from wilting away. In the aftermath, the lover that had survived the tragedy had locked away her beating organ so that no other could reach and hurt it again.

No more than two years later had she found someone who could break through her icy barriers, see into her soul and accept- even begrudgingly at times- the scars she had gathered in her past. The stranger had been innocent over the facets of a love such as the one they had begun, but she had grown to understand it despite her lack of knowledge. The more they had learned of one another, the more the lock on her heart had weakened, they had found themselves doing exactly what many others had deemed improbable, unethical or sacrilegious. They fought to prove that such an emotion had no boarders, that not even the pain of loss could stop one's heart from falling.

Maybe, just maybe, they had fought so hard for something that they had no reason to fight for.

"Shizuma?" With her own name mentioned, she gazed over to the one whom had called for her, emeralds gazing deep into the dark rubies that shined so much- and she couldn't help but wonder if they still would if she knew of the inner turmoil that toiled underneath the porcelain skin of her lover. Her heart couldn't help but ache as she looked into them, and she turned away from the girl in hopes to cure the pain in her chest. Instead, she focused upon a spot in the wall, trying not to think about how she could break this young woman's heart.

Perhaps that was the worst option to choose, feeling how the aura of the girl across from her change from joy-filled rose to an unsure, anxious, scared yellow. That really was the last thing she had wanted to happen…

"What's wrong, Shizuma-oneesama?" Why did she have to use that term, now known as an endearment between them, right then? She had to know how it made her feel inside whenever there were things that she knew she couldn't share with her. Her hands clenched together, and she felt her teeth tighten as she wondered if she could truly live with herself if she were to tell this woman the truth to her awkward depression.

"Nagisa-chan…" Her name had come out effortlessly, though the rest of what was needed to be said remained locked within her throat. It burned there, pained her chest as she tried to force the words to leave her- but she knew that it wouldn't be that easy. There was much to do before it got any easier. Carefully, she worded something that might get her point across- if she could at all as her emotions raged and rampaged within her heart. "I'm sorry, but…" She couldn't do it anymore.

She couldn't love her anymore.

She caught sight of the pain that had crossed her lover's eyes, and she knew immediately what was entering her mind. They knew each other all too well now, and they each knew what was in the air- and in beauty's troubled mind. The woman lowered her head, hiding the shame that draped across her like a funeral shroud. Still, she knew that it was more than likely written straight across her face, read only by the one who knew her the best.

Softly, the girl across from her- Nagisa- heaved a sigh, gazing down at the cup that was in her hands as she let the words come easier than it seemed to for her lover. "I knew this day would come." Shizuma looked up to gaze at the girl, and once more emerald glimpsed into the depths of maroon, seeing the inner angst and pain that hovered and remained in her sight. "I knew that… that it was too hard to forget Kaori-san."

Kaori-san.

It was obvious at that moment how much the girl had thought about it, referring to Shizuma's late lover with the suffix of -_san_. Normally, she would have called someone by their last name alone, the polite way that they had been taught to do at the school in which they had met.

The words had become easier than the last, easier than most of the sweet nothings she had ever spoken in her lifetime. All those sweet nothings… She wondered if she had meant them then. "I'm sorry, Nagisa-chan."

That really was all that could be said about such a predicament, and both seemed to know fully well where this conversation would lead. Silence overtook the couple as the unsaid yet understood truth settled in between them, and neither seemed to be able to look at the other as of that moment for fear of breaking down once and for all like each of them needed to. One still suffered in the ache that was the past, while the other had suffered silently in the pain of the present.

"I was happy…" Nagisa began, placing her cup down on the plate that it had come upon, and her lover listened as she heard the china chatter between themselves. The girl was trembling, although she was obviously doing her best not to show her emotions in the face of the person who was before her. "… for as long as it lasted." Shizuma clenched her hands together, wringing the fabric of her dress with her fingertips, and did her best to look up into the eyes of the one whom she had devoted much of her time to for the past few years. What she saw before her was the girl whom she had cared for so deeply in the past couple of years, bowing down as though she were nothing more than a servant to the desires of a woman who had been in mourning.

"Nagisa-chan-"

"Goodbye, Shizuma." The emerald eyed woman stared at the girl as she stood up straight, although the girl's eyes didn't dare look at the one she was bidding farewell. Even as she did her best, the older girl could see just how much the things she was doing was affecting her, and how painful it was to hold in the things that she wished to do while they remained in the public eye. While tears welled in those mahogany orbs that she had once adored so completely, she could see how the girl was fighting with herself to remain lady-like as she had been taught while at the academy.

Slowly, the younger woman turned, lifting her head high, almost defiantly, before taking her first stride toward the door that they had entered through as the couple that they had always been since the year that they had met. The beautiful heiress stood from her seat, hands upon the table as she watched helplessly as the girl she had held throughout all those past nights began to walk out of her life. "Nagisa-chan, I…" Her words remained in the air, wanting to still say all the things that she had been unable to for the years that they had been together. So many words were still unspoken… and she wondered if she would really have the ability to share the things that she had kept secret from her.

The girl turned only her upper body, offering nothing more than the smile that she usually wore no matter how she may have really felt. This time though, a small tear cascaded silently down her cheek, slipping past the smile that she wore. "I know, Shizuma." Turning away, she once again began to walk, making her way out the entrance.

Slowly, the emerald eyed girl sat herself back down, taking in all the things that she was unable to say, wondering if the young woman really had known. Sliding a gentle finger against the porcelain tea cup, she stared at the seat across from her with masked eyes. A soft whisper made it's way from her lips, unheard by the world that surrounded her.

"I'm so sorry, Nagisa."

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**SincereHeartache:** _I know I have a bit of a theme going with my stories recently. They're all depressing! Or something of that nature… I used to be able to write something with a hint of happiness at the end, but… I don't know. I'm not that kind of person anymore. I've become a bit jaded, I guess. -Insert Aero smith's "Jaded" here- Haha._

_That aside, I kind of like how it came out. Like with a lot of writers, there are parts I could go back and fix, tweak it here and there, and I'm sure I can find a billion mistakes while they are fine as they are. I can be a bit of a perfectionist, I admit. Haha. Despite my annoying qualities, I still kind of like it._

_But, if you have a thought I could work on, or a review of any sort, please send me a message via review and I'll do my best to work on it in my future works. Love you all, whether you review or not, and I hope you have a good day! XD_


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